JulietheBadass: I'm trying to be a smart ass here, and you just get all literal.
JulietheBadass: Fucking boys.
Beautifuloser: You're being illogical. Typical for girls.

JulietheBadass: Where is your face?
Beautifuloser: Three feet above my ass.
JulietheBadass: Back there?
JulietheBadass: Have you measured?
Beautifuloser: With my penis. Or half of it, anyway.

JulietheBadass: Fuck yoiu.
Beautifuloser: I'll tell him.

Beautifuloser: Damn it. I've had a pizza in the oven for four hours and it's still frozen.
JulietheBadass: You have to turn the oven on, dear.
Beautifuloser: REALLY?!

JulietheBadass: I am boring.
Beautifuloser: Not really. Not as bad as Vee.
Beautifuloser: She's not going home tonight because it's raining. Apparently she's 85 years old.

Beautifuloser: I'm bored tonight.
JulietheBadass: Are you calling me boring?
Beautifuloser: In part.

Beautifuloser: I'm going to have a glass of milk.
JulietheBadass: You know nothing!
Beautifuloser: I know I'm going to have a glass of milk.

JulietheBadass: Oh Ani.
JulietheBadass: How I love thee.
Beautifuloser: Thou shalt love no person before your husband!
JulietheBadass: Ani is my husband.
Beautifuloser: That hurts. I'm a smart, patient, modest, handsome man. But that hurts.

JulietheBadass: *Blows party favor annoying thing*
JulietheBadass: *Anticipates dirty joke*
Beautifuloser: *Does the same thing into your pussy*
JulietheBadass: hahah
JulietheBadass: Right on the spot!
Beautifuloser: Yeah, we're both awesome.
Beautifuloser: Mostly me though.

Beautifuloser: I got us some drugs.
JulietheBadass: YES!
Beautifuloser: Spanish fly for you, Viagra for me. We're going to have fun.
JulietheBadass: No, no no.

Beautifuloser: I will have more chicken.
Beautifuloser: And you can't stop me.
Vee: You're a chicken!
Beautifuloser: That was uncalled for.

Vee: I once got foodpoisening from a chocolate bar.
Beautifuloser: That's because you're too stupid to exist.

Beautifuloser: I'm going to try to sleep again for a bit.
Beautifuloser: Enjoy your poisoned pizza.
Vee: Arschwitz.
Beautifuloser: Auschwitz?! You Nazis never change!
Vee: It's from Bruno.
Beautifuloser: You're from Bruno!
Beautifuloser: *Thinks about that for a minute*

Vee: I am sad anyway so I do not care.
Beautifuloser: But you have nice tits.
Vee: That doe snot help me.
Beautifuloser: Then you're not using them right.

Beautifuloser: So you're Austrian, right?
Vee: I guess, yeah- why?
Beautifuloser: You guess?
Vee: Well, yeah.
Beautifuloser: Then say that. Fucking Nazi.
Beautifuloser: You Germans are all the same.

Vee: I dreamt I was somewhere with the host of my favourite radioshow too.
Vee: And there was a thunderstorm
Vee: and I tried to convince him that standing under a tree might be a bad idea.
Beautifuloser: That's safe as long as you're holding a sheet of metal over your head.

Vee: I dreamt of an earth quake last night and now there was one on new zealand.
Beautifuloser: You're dangerous.

Vee: There are people out there who trust my taste in music.
Beautifuloser: Rubes.

Beautifuloser: Have you ever hidden from the tax collector?
Vee: no
Vee: I did though sing a territorial song and slammed the door a lot last time he came here.
Beautifuloser: Did he report it to the king so you could be punished?
Vee: haha
Vee: no.
Beautifuloser: Rule of law!

Beautifuloser: What do you think?
Vee: I don't know. I have never understood why people watch porn at all.
Beautifuloser: Because normal people have a sex drive.

JoshCampbell: Ask Nial some very detailed questions about Britain's tarrif laws. And then mock him if he can't answer.
JoshCampbell: I suggest researching online.
Tora: That's mean, why would I do that!?
JoshCampbell: He's impossible! He told me that dancing should be outlawed!

JoshCampbell: I grew up during the Depression.
Tora: I thought the depression was in the 1950s or something.
JoshCampbell: Wow. The quality of a British education is stunning.
Tora: :D

Beautifuloser: Infomercials are the best source of comedy in our society (outside of the Republican party).

JulietheBadass: I'm supposed to type up a memo, but I can't remember for the life of me what for.
Beautifuloser: Memo on the importance of interoffice communication?

Beautifuloser: Why do you keep poking me?!
JulietheBadass: Cause you keep poking me!
JulietheBadass: Deal!
Beautifuloser: Okay. It's a deal.
JulietheBadass: *shakes head with frustration*

Beautifuloser: Do I get an invite to your son's first birthday party? I'll bring an erotic cake.
JulietheBadass: No, no no.
Beautifuloser: You mother him too much!
JulietheBadass: You want my son to dip his face into a cake thats shaped like a vagina? Or worse!
Beautifuloser: Well duh. It'll be like a rehearsal for his bachelor party.

beautifuloser_2000: Vegas is a weird place.
HeatherNoH: yup I hated it..
beautifuloser_2000: It was 95 degrees at midnight! That's not a climate, that's malaria!

JulietheBadass: Diana helped me do it so I can blame hre.
Beautifuloser: Hillary Rodham...Edwards?! I KNEW IT!

Beautifuloser: I'll email it again. You're at lovesveestits@nicedoojie.com?
JulietheBadass: YES!
Beautifuloser: Ha ha.
JulietheBadass: Wait, I'll need to see Vee's tits first.
Beautifuloser: I'll see if I still have the photos.
Beautifuloser: If I do, I'll just post them online.
JulietheBadass: You are so mean.

JulietheBadass: I didn't know assassinate had so many s's in it.
Beautifuloser: Yeah. It's a sexy word.
JulietheBadass: You have to get out more often.

JulietheBadass: Is there a big fire going on in the city?
Beautifuloser: Here?
JulietheBadass: Near the airport ish
Beautifuloser: Haven't heard anything.
Beautifuloser: But isn't it the Black Expo this week? So that makes sense.
JulietheBadass: You're fired.

JulietheBadass: Episode two finished.
JulietheBadass: Dun dun dun!
Beautifuloser: You're liking it.
JulietheBadass: Nah, just appeasing you.
JulietheBadass: I kid, I kid!
Beautifuloser: I know. I haven't been riding your ass like I do with Vee.
Beautifuloser: When I'm not asking about her tits, I'm imploring her to read my work.
Beautifuloser: She's a bad friend. Nice tits though.

JulietheBadass: Sorry, I wasn't ignoring you, I was releasing a car.
Beautifuloser: From your sweet embrace?
JulietheBadass: Of course.
Beautifuloser: I knew it!

Beautifuloser: I smoke more than you.
JulietheBadass: Mmhmm.
Beautifuloser: And I'm generally happier than you. Do you see my point?
JulietheBadass: You're off your meds. Youhave no logic.
Beautifuloser: Not true. I'm using Republican logic. In this case, I'm asserting that smoking makes people happier in much the same way that clearly George Bush was the best person to fight terrorism because we were not attacked on US soil after 9/11.

Beautifuloser: There's a fly in my room. Will you come kill it?
Beautifuloser: And please, leave your underwear off.

JulietheBadass: Hey!!!!!!!!
Beautifuloser: *Takes his underwear off*
JulietheBadass: *Takes her underwear off*
Beautifuloser: I like where this is headed.
JulietheBadass: Didn't expect that one did ya!?
Beautifuloser: Was hoping with all my heart.

JulietheBadass: I want spaghetti tacos.
Beautifuloser: Ha ha.
Beautifuloser: Is that a real thing?
JulietheBadass: Yes. I saw it on iCarly.
Beautifuloser: *Gets stiff*
JulietheBadass: *Can't understand why*
Beautifuloser: It's complicated.

Tora: We have our first British astronaut or something which is exciting.
JoshCampbell: Yeah? You going to shoot him into space yourself?
JoshCampbell: No offense but the British space program consists of two guys, three ladders, and some rope.

JoshCampbell: I'm glad it takes twelve days to launch the shuttle. And that they expect us to watch all of it.
Tora: lol
JoshCampbell: So...how's Britain's space program going?
Tora: :P

JoshCampbell: Do you really think I'll live to old age?
Tora: Yes!
JoshCampbell: You've got your head up your ass.
JoshCampbell: Nial is jealous.
Tora: :( Why are you saying horrid things?
JoshCampbell: It's not my fault Nial has an assfucking fetish!
JoshCampbell: And I'm sure it's all very hetero.

Beautifuloser: I'm going to get dressed and go get things done.
Beautifuloser: It shouldn't take long. I'll be back before your tits sag.
Vee: ahhaa

Vee: I decided to wear a t-shirt anyway.
Beautifuloser: To show off your tits?

Vee: I think I am going out tonight-
Beautifuloser: With your crush?
Vee: Who?
Beautifuloser: The guy you have a crush on.
Vee: I don't have a crush on anyone!
Beautifuloser: I wish that were true. He just likes your tits.
Vee: He does not like my tits.
Beautifuloser: All guys like your tits. Except "guys" like Nial.

Beautifuloser: Our laundry facilities are still closed.
Beautifuloser: And I'm not going to sit around a public laundromat for hours.
Vee: Do you have to?
Beautifuloser: So I either have to convince a friend to do my laundry or buy more socks and underwear.
Vee: here I just put it in and go away for 30 minutes then come back put it to the drier and leave again
Beautifuloser: This is America. People will steal your clothes right out of the machine.
Vee: You need a hitler.

Vee: Yes my tits are nice but I still won't talk to you about them!
Beautifuloser: But I'm like the only guy who has seen your tits in a romantic fashion.
Vee: Whatever!
Vee: and fuck off!
Beautifuloser: You have nice tits but you're just not sophisticated.

Beautifuloser: We'll continue our discussion about your tits when I come back.
Vee: no we will not talk about my tits!

JulietheBadass: After me comes the flood!@
Beautifuloser: In a perfect world.
Beautifuloser: That was a clever joke.

Vee: I am off
Beautifuloser: But your tits!
Vee: they are off with me
Beautifuloser: Tell them I said goodbye. And I'll see them soon.
Beautifuloser: Damn, I'm awesome.

Beautifuloser: Ha ha ha. I'm engaging Vee in a conversation about her tits.
Beautifuloser: Against her will, but she's answering my questions.
Beautifuloser: It amuses me that she's not all "Fuck off" and refusing. She's answering.
JulietheBadass: Hahahha
JulietheBadass: Tell m emore!
Beautifuloser: Eh, it didn't go as well as I thought. She was not giving real answers.
JulietheBadass: I found a tiny black and white kitten in the garage...
JulietheBadass: I think she got locked in there...
JulietheBadass: I'm feeding her now.
Beautifuloser: Are you feeding her with your tits?
Beautifuloser: Man, I'm awesome.

Beautifuloser: Can I choke you while I screw you?
Vee: You cannot screw me so that point is moot.
Beautifuloser: Geez. You've got problems.
Vee: You're one of them!

Vee: As to an alarm, could you set your phone to vibrate and stick it under your pillow? THIS is a clever idea!
Beautifuloser: I just stick it up my ass.

Vee: On the way to my friends show the train was really packed.
Vee: And on trains here they have women only compartments.
Vee: And in that one 6 soldiers sat.
Vee: I did not say anything (although I was tempted to go in and say OH HAI Girls)
Vee: but when I came back the conductor was about to ask them to leave
Vee: so i said to him why, they might want to be women
Vee: then one of them said
Vee: we are just back from the war (unlikely in this country)
Vee: and now we have to get up for WOMEN!
Vee: (so I said then "yeah, right girls" cos I am a bitch like that)
Beautifuloser: You're lucky they didn't kill you. War changes a man.
Vee: hahaha

Beautifuloser: Vee has a new crush.
Vee: I do NOT
Beautifuloser: The more you deny it, the more true it is.
Vee: It was just a nice day
Vee: And I felt a bit better for a while
Beautifuloser: With your new crush.
Vee: He is not my new crush!
Beautifuloser: Thought so.

JulietheBadass: Naked bitches!
Beautifuloser: *Sits up*
JulietheBadass: Oh, don't worry. They're ugly.
Beautifuloser: *Still slightly interested*

JulietheBadass: what did you eat?
Beautifuloser: Tacos.
Beautifuloser: Like a ninja.
Beautifuloser: That eats tacos.

JulietheBadass: I added pics on facebook like whoa.
Beautifuloser: I'll masturbate over them.
JulietheBadass: Um, most of them are of my baby.
Beautifuloser: Oh. This is awkward now.

JulietheBadass: I need to pee.
JulietheBadass: But no one cares about htat.
Beautifuloser: Are you going to pee?
JulietheBadass: No.
JulietheBadass: I will not.
JulietheBadass: EVER
Beautifuloser: You're the anti-Vee!
JulietheBadass: Brb, gotta pee.
Beautifuloser: Sellout!

JulietheBadass: Okay, I believe you.
Beautifuloser: But your tommy gun doesn't?
JulietheBadass: I'm confused.
JulietheBadass: I thought my tommy gun was at home in my night stand.
Beautifuloser: I'll get you a little violin case.

Beautifuloser: One time I heard the ice cream truck and I got so excited I couldn't get the door open so I jumped out the window.

Beautifuloser: I think Vee's a fan.
JulietheBadass: vee is always a fan
Beautifuloser: Yeah. She likes every band except the Bloodhound Gang.
Beautifuloser: One time she told me she thinks the Beatles are overrated. We almost came to blows.

Beautifuloser: Here's how tired I am:
Beautifuloser: I lit a cigarette, laid it in the ashtray. Took a drink. Lit another cigarette.

Beautifuloser: I think I was born in the wrong era. I'd have been an awesome railroad baron.

HeatherNoH: sorry I'm trying to fix some video I took of my aunts getting drunk

Vee: I have to go in 5
Beautifuloser: I'll miss you.
Beautifuloser: Hope you have fun at the concert with Richard Gere.

Beautifuloser: I'm watching a show on History Channel about Pablo Escobar.
Beautifuloser: It's the next best thing to seeing Medellin.

Vee: I should just call my friend to see if they are already gere
Beautifuloser: You're friends with Richard Gere?

Vee: I am going
Beautifuloser: Okay. Have a fun trip.
Beautifuloser: And show your tits at the concert!
Vee: ŵhy?!
Beautifuloser: There is some sort of character above that w.
Vee: I don't knoŵ ŵhy the ŵ looked like that!

Vee: I could not go and turn off my phone.
Vee: That would confuse people.
Beautifuloser: People will think you died. I approve.

Vee: Where did you get the word pumpernickel from?
Beautifuloser: It's a type of bread.
Vee: Yes but where did you hear the word?
Beautifuloser: Uh...delis?
Vee: but why do you have pumpernickel over there?!
Beautifuloser: We have quite a few foods from other countries here, Vee.

Beautifuloser: What does pumpernickel translate to in English?
Vee: It's some sort of whole bread. I don't think it means anything but I am not an ethymologist.
Beautifuloser: I was told the words in German mean fart goblin.
Vee: HAHAHHAHAA
Vee: he Philologist Johann Christoph Adelung states about the Germanic origin of the word, in the vernacular, Pumpen was a New High German synonym for being flatulent, a word similar in meaning to the English "fart", and "Nickel" was a form of the name Nicholas, an appellation commonly associated with a goblin or devil (e.g., "Old Nick", a familiar name for Satan), or more generally for a malevolent
Vee: or fart satan!
Beautifuloser: Hahahahaha!
Vee: I LIKE Satan!

Vee: I am going to put some two gallants on my mp3 player for the train trip.
Vee: my display stopped working though
Vee: So I cannot set anything to play and have to deal with shuffle and a lot of skipping.
Beautifuloser: Sounds like you're working with some premium equipment.
Vee: no it is my own fault I dropped it,
Beautifuloser: That's what your mom said about you.

Vee: The two gallants guy has a solo record°!
Beautifuloser: To what degree does he have a solo record?

Vee: wait you were 10 in 1999?
Beautifuloser: Nial is older than me. He keeps telling me to read Mind Your Elders.

Vee: There is this bar near me that opens at 2 AM
Vee: and closes at like 8.
Beautifuloser: Opens at 2 AM?
Vee: Yeah!
Beautifuloser: That's odd.
Beautifuloser: Our bars close at 4 AM, I believe.
Vee: It opens when everything else closes (well amost some places still stay open till 6)
Beautifuloser: Well. I never would have guessed that Europeans like drinking.

Vee: I had one friend for like 15 years, though!
Beautifuloser: Your dad?

Vee: Some songs I liked 10-15 years ago did not age well.
Beautifuloser: Novelty rap songs from the 80s/early 90s have only gotten better.

Beautifuloser: You bought an album you'd never heard of from a band you'd never heard of because you liked the title of a song and the cover.
Vee: Yes.
Vee: And I turned out to really love this album!
Vee: So: me > you!
Beautifuloser: Oh well. I guess that's how I am with girls.

Vee: Have you heard Northern Picture Library?
Beautifuloser: Libraries are supposed to be quiet.

Vee: Do you like Trembling Blue Stars?
Beautifuloser: I've never seen one.
Vee: I meant the band.
Beautifuloser: Yes, I do.

Beautifuloser: I ate a whole bucket of chicken. Will you rub my belly?
Vee: Can I pee on it first?
Beautifuloser: You're sick.
Beautifuloser: And I gave you that bag of Satan chips.

Beautifuloser: Would you like a bag of chips?
Vee: Yes please
Beautifuloser: They were made by Satan.
Vee: I like Satan.
Beautifuloser: *Quotes this out of context*

Beautifuloser: I'm going to eat a box of donuts on the toilet.
Beautifuloser: While crying.
Beautifuloser: And looking at myself in the mirror.
Beautifuloser: Naked.
Vee: And cutting yourself?
Beautifuloser: Yeah.

Beautifuloser: I'm going to go do your favorite thing.
Vee: nutsack?
Beautifuloser: No!